Weddings at Incarnation

Holy Matrimony is a sacrament of the Church, and for that reason a marriage can only grow spiritually with a couple's deliberate life together as Christians. According to the Catechism in The Book of Common Prayer, a sacrament consists of “an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace” (p. 857). The principal part of the outward and visible sign of Holy Matrimony is both the lawful union of a man and woman brought about through the wedding ceremony and their physical union. The inward grace of marriage is the presence and power of God given to the man and woman in order that they may keep the vows and promise they have made to one another and to God.

The Catechism provides the following summary: “Holy Matrimony is Christian Marriage, in which the woman and man enter into a lifelong union, make their vows before God and the Church, and receive the grace and blessing of God to help them fulfill their vows” (p. 861). Holy Matrimony, therefore, involves not just a man and a woman, but also God and His Church, the Bride of Christ. Each wedding at Incarnation is a service of worship and, as such, reflects the character and traditions of this parish community as it bears witness to the teaching of Christ and His Church concerning Christian marriage.

The aim of the parish clergy is to assist couples as they prepare to engage in the vocation of Christian marriage. Specifically, this occurs through instruction about the nature and meaning of Christian marriage, as well as practical teaching whose purpose is to provide a solid foundation for a lifelong relationship of mutual love and support.

Preparing for marriage is a holy process because it is an answer to God’s call to a deeper commitment to Him, to one’s future spouse and to a share in the sacrament that St Paul teaches is a sign to the world of the great mystery of Christ’s love for His Church (Ephesians 5:21-33).

The following guidelines are meant to serve as an assistance couples and families and to provide clarity about all that is entailed and expected at a wedding at Church of the Incarnation.

Wedding Guidelines

Membership Requirements:
Since the Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage (The Book of Common Prayer pp 423-434) takes place within the Christian community and is first and foremost a sacrament and an act of worship, it is important that those who wish to be married at Church of the Incarnation be connected participants in this community. Moreover, the Canons of the Episcopal Church require that at least one of the two persons to be married shall have received Holy Baptism. Accordingly, the bride, groom or a parent of the bride or groom, must be a member of this parish who has supported the life of the parish by regular, Sunday attendance for at least six months and with a pledge of financial support on record, before the wedding will be scheduled. If the bride and/or groom are not members of Incarnation, they are strongly encouraged to participate in the Inquirers Class or the Alpha Class. Membership requirements may be discussed in more detail with any of the parish priests.

Scheduling:
The dates and times for weddings and rehearsals at Church of the Incarnation may only be reserved by one of the parish priests, and only after at least once face-to-face meeting. Customarily, a minimum of six months is necessary from the point when a couple contacts the priest and when the couple would like the wedding to take place.

Weddings are scheduled for Saturdays, either in the main church building or in Memorial Chapel. They may be scheduled to begin at 11:00 am or later, but not after 7:00 pm. Rehearsals are scheduled for the preceding Friday evenings. When multiple weddings are scheduled for the same day, a period of 4 hours between starts is required, regardless of venue.

At Church of the Incarnation, weddings are not solemnized on Sundays, neither are they to occur during Lent and Holy Week, or from Advent I through January 1st. Additionally, Thanksgiving Day and the following weekend, as well as the weekends of Memorial Day and Labor Day are excluded from consideration. A schedule of all fees can be found here.

Note:
If the proposed marriage is a remarriage after divorce, the Canons of the Episcopal Church require the consent of the Bishop of the Diocese of Dallas. When this consent is requested, application also may be made to the Bishop for a judgment of dissolution or nullity regarding the previous marriage. In any of these situations, a minimum of eight months is customary from the point when a couple contacts the priest and when the couple would like the wedding to take place.

The Canons of the Episcopal Church also give the right to each priest to decline to solemnize any marriage (click here to see a copy of the Marriage canons). This is a matter of individual conscience and discretion. Thus, it is unwise and not recommended for a couple to make external arrangements for the wedding ceremony and reception until the priest states that he will officiate at the wedding and is satisfied that the proposed marriage is without impediment, is appropriate, and conforms to the teaching of the Church.


Pre-marital Counseling:
All persons who desire to marry at Church of the Incarnation must undergo pre-marital counseling from the priest who will officiated the wedding liturgy. If geographic considerations preclude meeting with a member of the parish clergy at Incarnation, this preparation may be provided by a priest in another geographic location, with the permission of the Incarnation clergy. The priest who will officiate at the wedding is responsible for seeing that the pastoral counseling and teaching required take place.

The Canons of the Episcopal Church require that the following statement be signed by both the man and the woman:

N. & N., desiring to receive the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony at the Church of the Incarnation, do solemnly declare that we hold marriage to be a lifelong union of husband and wife as it is set forth in the Book of Common Prayer (pp 423).

We believe that the union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord.

And we do engage ourselves, so far as in us lies, to make our utmost effort to establish this relationship and to seek God’s help thereto.

The Wedding Liturgy:
Planning for the wedding ceremony is done by the clergy and the couple to be married. The parish employs a wedding consultant to help guide the couple through the process at Church of the Incarnation. No other wedding consultants are permitted to be part of the planning process at the parish, nor are they to be present at rehearsals.

Marriages at Church of the Incarnation are celebrated as services of worship and are solemnized according to the rites of The Book of Common Prayer (1979). The clergy encourage couples to place the wedding ceremony within the celebration of the Holy Eucharist. When this is the case, the Eucharist is offered to all baptized Christians in attendance, not simply to the couple only.

Only priests (or bishops) in The Episcopal Church may solemnize marriages in this parish. Visiting clergy may participate with the knowledge and consent of the Rector, but their involvement will be limited to non-sacramental activity (i.e. preaching). Visiting Episcopal clergy may solemnize weddings at Incarnation at the written invitation of the Rector or his delegate.

Music:
Music for any wedding is arranged exclusively by the Organist/Choirmaster of Church of the Incarnation or the Assistant Organist/Choirmaster (click here to email the Organist/Choirmaster). A schedule of all fees, including for the musicians, can be found here.

Wedding Leaflets:
Normally, the Director of Publications prepares worship bulletins for a wedding. In order to have accurate information printed in the bulletins, all information (names of attendants, choice of music, etc.) must be submitted in writing or email no later than three weeks before the date of the wedding. A sample of a typical wedding bulletin will be provided by the parish wedding consultant. If a more elaborate worship leaflet is desired, the contents must be reviewed and approved by the clergy before it is printed and will be at the couple’s expense.

Receptions at the Church of the Incarnation:
Receptions may be held at parish only in the Great Hall. Only one wedding reception will be scheduled per weekend. Evening receptions are to be concluded by 11:00 pm. If alcohol is to be served at a reception at Church of the Incarnation, it shall to be limited to beer and wine only, and it will always be served alongside equally attractive and available non-alcoholic refreshment.

Incarnation's Good Neighbor Policy:
As part of its Good Neighbor Policy, Church of the Incarnation will consider allowing use of its church building in two situations that do not fall under the general requirements previously mentioned. The first is for couples with a prior, strong relationship with the parish. The second is when a local Episcopal church is in a difficult situation related to space limitations.

As to the first, occasionally families who were active once in the parish and now live some distance from Dallas will want to be married at Incarnation because their past relationship with the parish and their fondness for it. In such situations, a request may be made to the Rector in writing describing the prior involvement and other reasons for desiring a wedding at Incarnation. Such a decision is at the discretion of the Rector.

As to the second, because the main church at Incarnation is larger than many Episcopal Churches in Dallas, smaller Episcopal congregations expecting a large wedding may ask to use our church at times. In such cases, the request should be made in writing by the Rector/Vicar of such a parish to the Rector of Church of the Incarnation. This request must include that the couple is regular in worship and that they pledge to the financial support of the congregation involved. All the guidelines for weddings at Incarnation must be followed. A fee schedule is available for this type of service. The Church is not available for receptions following a “Good Neighbor” wedding.

For a copy of the Canons of the Episcopal Church regarding Holy Matrimony, please click here.